coffee talk

I'm sitting in a CC's Community coffeehouse while Ginger goes to a meeting. It takes a bit of effort to sit in a coffeehouse when you are living in a state park. After being pretty much cooped up in the rain yesterday we decided to rent a car for our last few days in New Orleans so we could be more mobile.  Everyone has been super generous (seriously, thanks guys!) in lending us wheels, but it does feel good to be able to run errands on our own schedule. I am plugged in, hopped up (on some strong coffee) and musing. The strong coffee around here is for real, man.  It makes my mind whir! It feels good to be by myself though we have spent so much time together it is almost weird to be alone.  It is also chilly and rainy in New Orleans, but nothing like what it sounds like in St. Louis,  so I am reminding myself to be grateful for the 45 degrees.

Before we left I was a little worried about three+ months in an RV. I wondered about feeling claustrophobic, about how moving around all the time would feel and whether I would be able to work on the road. I closed some deals last week, so I am feeling a little better about work, though it still feels a little fragmented.  I bounce between feeling like I am on vacation (which I am most certainly not) and feeling like I am almost back in the vibe.  I have been very aware of how space and place play a huge part in my comfort.  Where I sit, the way I position my body, how my technology works - all of that was a big deal even back in St. Louis.but it is even more heightened now.

I am convinced that most salespeople, and an even higher percentage of recruiters, are pretty superstitious, and for me that plays out in how I position my workspace and situate my chair, my drives, chargers and electronic paraphernalia. Seems pretty funny when I consider that most of my working time is spent away from that space walking around with my phone on my ear.  But still I feel compelled to lay things out a certain way.  It helps me feel rooted, I suppose.

I think most people who know me might laugh (gently) at my concern about being able to work effectively on the road.  I realize to a lot of external observers I probably seem to have more of a problem carving non-working time out of my waking hours.  But I felt very unrooted in the beginning of our trip.  I woke up last week in a bit of a panic.  I do this every January - the holidays are a disruption to my rhythm and I always feel a bit off kilter until I regain my footing.  This trip is an even longer disruption.  One long disruption, if you think about it that way.  I am learning to find my own new rhythm without a pattern.  Maybe it is like living a jazz solo.  It is hard enough for me to not trip when I hear the beat, this is making me stretch a bit.  But I feel myself growing.

At night the RV seems smaller to me than any other time.  During the day the shades are open,  everything seems more expansive and I have the familiar ritual of morning coffee to start my day.  At night I miss my evening bath in our wonderful bathtub (a beloved constant) and the florescent lights seem cold and a little unfriendly.  Everything seems closer, smaller, and slightly foreign. My slight feeling of unease and discomfort (or is it a pang for my familiar, comfortable home) as the sun goes down is a reminder to embrace the reality that I can carry home with me in my head, along with an expansive space in which to relax even when I feel cramped physically. I remind myself to breathe.

We find the familiar where we can.  I have a favorite stall in the shower house.  Every time I go to the bathhouse to take a shower I choose the same stall and I have this odd feeling of artificial familiarity, like I need it so I forge it.  I have memorized the patterns worn on the wall by past campers, and the bits of rock in the drain - they almost cheer me.  It is like the feeling I get when I walk around my neighborhood in St. Louis.  Silly, I know.   But I am not the only one to crave the familiar.  When everything is new there is little opportunity for autopilot, which is a cool thing and very exciting, but also a little tiring.  I am having a grand time - but I just realized I have now been away from home longer than my longest vacation.

Maybe that is why I am feeling a just a tiny bit homesick, a little uncomfortable.  Good thing I have much of my home (Ginger, Clivebarker, Purle, Marvel and Itsy) with me.  If I could only have my bathtub.

At least I have my shower.